Friend is a choice, where as family is by birth

Just a while ago, I received a message from my cousin, "Just reached home. It was hard to say a good bye to you today. Hope to see you soon. You are just not my cousin, Adarsh. I found a good friend in you. Thanks for being there for me always." After reading the message, I went emotional. It was barely a few hours after she left to Detroit and I got this message. I replied back saying, "It's strange how years of familial relation didn't bring us together, where as, a few meetings in the past 6 months bonded us with each other so well. I'm proud that you called me a friend, because a friend is by choice, where as a family is by birth"

I so wished we lived in the same city. For many years I thought of my cousin, Spandana, as an innocent yet brave girl who had a strong determination to achieve big. She was so trustworthy, caring and affectionate. I regret to not have stayed in touch with her since childhood.

Me and Spandana in Detroit

Right since the time I came to US, she has constantly stayed in touch with me. I really appreciate all that she has done for me, right from giving me good guidance of how to live in the US, calling me every week to know if I was doing well, suggesting me how not to get over-stressed with work, informing me about new places to visit, sharing telugu movie jokes, to  managing my cellphone bills. In fact, she is the only person in US whom I can confide in with confidence. I am really proud to have a friend and a cousin like her.

Spandana in Pittsburgh

Just a week ago I went to Detroit to see her. I was there for a couple of days and then when I had to leave, it was hard to say a good bye.  I was happy again when she said that she would come to Pittsburgh for the weekend. But I didn't expect that time would fly away so soon. She arrived Saturday afternoon. We had a good time in my Grad-school, the Entertainment Technology Center, Carnegie Mellon University, where we watched movies on the big screen, spoke non-stop with each other for hours together, and also spent a lot of time planning a big trip for the summer. In the evening we went to watch a hilarious bollywood movie "Hasee Toh Phasee", and shortly after, had an awesome dinner outing. It was fun driving through those snow-trodden roads as we headed back home in the cold winter night. After a few hours of sleep, we went to the S. V. Temple in Pittsburgh where we enjoyed a relishing meal (Prasadam) in the temple. Within just a couple of hours after that she had to leave. I could immediately feel a lump in my throat. I was getting emotional. I hugged her. I didn't want to let her go. I was wondering how time flew away so soon. With a heavy heart I went down the building to see her off. As she started her car and drove away from me, I started feeling low. I went back into my school building and gazed outside the window to check if she was still around. But, she had already left. All I could see was thick layers of snow all over the place.

I picked up my cellphone and sent her a message, "Where is the "Good" part in Goodbye?"

Long Lost Friends

Just before I came to the USA for higher studies I used to wonder how hectic could the life be there, not because the course curriculum intimidated me but because many of my friends hardly replied to my emails and chat messages. But even those bunch of friends never mattered as much as my bestie Viraj. In fact, I should say "Our" bestie Viraj because we were always three (Viraj, Dhiraj and me). But, it was strange when I arrived here. Even though I had to take care of a whole lot of stuff I never felt tired to talk to my friends; no matter in what time zone they were in. My schedule since the last 2 months has been something like this: I wake up at 7:30 AM almost every other day, cook my lunch and dinner for an hour, get ready and leave for classes. And after an excitingly tiresome day, I get back home at 12 mid-night.. and then the routine follows; not to forget "No Weekends" and "No Holidays". I feel, that's quite a lot of stuff to keep you super-busy. But, in spite of all that I always remind myself of the promise I made to myself before I left India, I'll keep in touch with all my friends and close ones no matter what. And that tiny little promise always motivates me to call up everyone I know in the US and in India. So, as per this promise I called up Viraj a couple of times as soon as I reached the US. But, every time I called up, the conversation felt cold. It felt as if something was not right between us.

Since the last 2 months after my arrival in US, there were only one or two times that me and Viraj spoke to each other over the phone. I was amazed when I noted that I spoke more frequently with Dhiraj who lived thousands of miles away in a different timezone than Viraj who was just a few hundred miles away, that too in the same timezone as mine. I really didn't want to complain about this, but it hurts when your best friend gives you lame reasons like "I thought you would be busy. So, I didn't want to disturb you."
I really understand that he's been caring about my schedule, but I assured him a couple of times that I can manage my schedule pretty well and that he could call me whenever he wanted to talk to me.

It's not about a petty phone call that I was expecting, but it has reached this stage because Dhiraj and me have been trying to contact him since the past 2 years and the response has always been cold. In this age of lightning-fast communication options available, 2 years is way lot time to ignore your friends. We (Me and Dhiraj) totally understand that there could have been genuine problems for him to receive our calls or reply to our emails. But, again two years is way too long to reason out.

Anyways, the only reason I'm writing this post because it's hard for me to accept that Viraj doesn't consider us friends anymore. Also, it gets weird when he talks about coming to Pittsburgh to see me and composing good music with me. On one hand he doesn't bother to respond to our calls, messages and emails.  On the other hand, he gives us strange surprises by pinging us on Facebook once in a blue moon, assuring us that he would come to meet us and that we could plan a holiday someday ZNMD style.

No matter what, I still totally consider him my friend. I would NOT just let him go for a petty phone call. I would love to sort out the differences between us and be in touch again. The only thing I want is that he should open up and state explicitly state the problem.

God gave me two friends for a lifetime. I wouldn't want to lose them. Love you guys so much.

I hope we all live for each other and with each other for the rest of our lives.

How long does it take to bond?

The title of this post has been baffled me over and over again in the last few days, primarily because there have been times when I've lost trust in a friend even after knowing him / her for more than 3-4 years; while, on the other hand, there have been times when I put in my complete trust into a person the very first time we met each other. What is that element that decides the rate at which people bond. I do not know what it is, but it definitely gives you a strong and discerning feeling that "This is the person with whom you can share whatever you want.  His brain is wired just like yours." And you make the brave attempt to start the conversation and surprisingly it never ends. It has happened to me a few times in the past. But it was quite different this time.

The wonderful man named "Chris". I fall short of words when I think of describing him. Clicked at "Perkins"

It was Chris. The same fatherly and brotherly figure whom I had introduced in my previous post. As mentioned, I had met him on my flight to Pittsburgh. I became friends with a British born American even before I reached America. It felt incredible. On the flight I shared a few movies and played a few Rahman songs for Chris. He started admiring Indian culture and Indian music. We were in the midst of a rich conversation and soon we heard that the plane was supposed to land. :(

It took me almost a week and a half to set up the entire house and explore the marvelous city of Pittsburgh. But even while I was going around settling and getting adjusted to the new place, Chris constantly took efforts to send me emails and share new types of music. I could feel the extent to which he was connected with me. When my new phone arrived I made my first call to Chris and told him that I would be glad to join him at his residence in New Castle the coming weekend. Chris was overjoyed. He bought a cricket bat and a few balls. But even more, he carved out a few stumps with the wood that was available in his backyard. It was really very sweet of him to do that.

The Cricket Bat and Balls which waited for the Big Game

 Finally the D day arrived. Chris came to pick me up from Pittsburgh. On our way to New Castle I was talking to him, when suddenly, he pushed a button and I was amazed to hear "Yuhi Chala Chal Rahi" play in his car. I screamed out in excitement "Hey man! It can't get any better". We were tapping our feet, head banging and singing along.

Chris' Huge House

Me with the sweet lady "Phyllis"

When we finally reached his place I was amazed to find that his house was in the midst of woods. It seemed so pleasant, so serene. Phyllis, Chris' wife opened the door to welcome us. And I was blow away by the interiors. It was so warm and cozy inside. I was amazed to find a huge collection of soft toys that Phyllis had painstakingly collected.

Phyllis' collection of soft toys. Sweet!

The Beatles

 I was overjoyed to find pictures, DVDs, Books and t-shirts of  the Beatles, Led Zeppelin and Bruce Springsteen all around the place. It was such a lovely home to live in. After some delicious breakfast the three of us went to Phyllis' parents,  for lunch I was honored to meet all the members of Phyllis' family. Phyllis showed me the room where she used to live and all those book and records which she had collected since her childhood. I was super excited when I saw a 1960s organ in their living room. It was an unbelievable experience.

George Harrison

During the rest of the day we played cricket at Phyllis's dad's, watched "Planes", "School of Rock" and "Rang de Basanti". I even tried my hand at the auto-gear, left hand drive in Chris' beautiful Honda Civic.  Not to forget those long hours of conversation.

Me and Chris after the game of Cricket. It was fun to play International Cricket ;)

At the theatre - watched my first movie, in the US, "Planes"

The Paul McCartney T-shirt that Chris and Phyllis gifted me.. I love it so much!

At the onset of dusk, Phyllis put pieces of bread outside the house for the timid Racoons that usually came out of the woods only during the night. It was a pleasure to see the turkeys, chipmunks, racoons, a possum and of course "Franklin". Franklin is a tiny little hamster who lives with Phyllis and Chris. I envy him.. He has an entire room dedicated to him and received more love and care than me.

Franklin, with a tiny Carrot in his hands

The next morning Chris took me to Perkins just before dropping me off in Pittsburgh. I enjoyed the "blue berry muffin" and "custom made omelet". On our way back to Pittsburgh, Chris played "Yuhi Chala Chal Rahi" again. I enjoyed the song, but somewhere it felt heavy the accept the fact that the day had passed by so soon. It was hardly 24 hours and just our second meeting and I was so attached those two wonderful people - Phyllis and Chris. It was hard to bid them before I left. They were so caring, so loving, so gentle that it almost brought tears to my eyes. It felt like God gave me a home and a family even while I was 10000 miles away from my own family. "Thank you God. May you shower all your blessings on the noble couple"

The Noble, Yet Humble, Couple

This is what Chris said about me on Facebook the next day. And I must tell you Chris, "I feel exactly the same"

"So happy that Adarshkumar was able to visit us on Sunday into Monday. You will not find a more caring, considerate and peaceful friend to be with. We were able to enjoy a quick game of cricket. lunch with the family, a first visit to a USA cinema, watching an evening movie and lots of great conversations...we even got in a quick visit to Perkins - Adarsh enjoyed a blueberry muffin......Adarsh is a credit to his family and his country and we are so happy and proud to call him our "Son" and I am equally proud and happy to call him my "Brother" (thank you to the Pavani family for sharing him with us) - seriously folks, when was the last time a friend said to you "I would like to sing a song for you" ? - thank you Adarsh for that wonderful and touching moment - we will cherish that forever as we do your presence here. We wish you love, blessings and peace for a great 2 years in Pittsburgh, USA"

A Warm Welcome by America

It all started on the day I left India to come to US for my Masters in Entertainment Technology at Carnegie Mellon University, Pittsburgh. With a heavy heart I had to bid a goodbye to my family and friends. I was nervous about how I would manage to live in an entirely new country and with a completely different culture. While I had these thoughts running in my mind I happened to meet a great personality named "Chris Johnston". I learnt that Chris hailed from UK. We had a 9 hour long conversation on the flight about Mumbai, Indian Music, A. R. Rahman, Life in India,  Bollywood movies, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin etc. That was the shortest flight for both of us. We exchanged numbers, clicked pictures. We never realized when the plane took off and when it landed in Pittsburgh. I would speak more about Chris and about our friendship in my next post.

Chris clicked this picture of me in the flight from Paris to Pittsburgh

Me and Chris at Pittsburgh International Airport

As soon as we reached our housing we had some pizza and immediately left to take a look at one of the most prestigious Universities in the world :) ... The CMU campus basked under its own lights.

The passage way aside "Carnegie School of Drama"

It felt proud as I walked by the passageway aside the Carnegie School of Drama. I was blown away by the "Walk to the sky" structure that gave out a strong self explanatory message. Even the "Randy Pausch Bridge" was breathtakingly beautiful with its changing lights along the walls.

In the next few days I explored the area, bus routes, stores etc. I was surprised to not find any dust at all on the roads. I liked the way the traffic and crossings were organized. I was amazed to find that the vehicles used no horns, there was a 10 feet gap between 2 cars in case of a traffic and the drivers valued pedestrians a lot when they crossed roads. I enjoyed watching sports cars, Harley Davidson motorbikes, beautiful architecture and courteous people. The sun didn't set until it was 8:30 PM.  We were setting the house up with groceries and supplies. It felt great!

"Walk to the sky" at Carnegie Mellon University

A watch tower at Carnegie Mellon University

Main Campus Entrance of Carnegie Mellon University

A vintage car on my way to Craig Street, Pittsburgh

It has been almost 2 weeks since I landed in Pittsburgh and I didn't realize how time has passed by. I met a number of people during the orientation and during my visits to the main campus. It feels great to meet so many new people of diverse cultures in a reputed University like Carnegie Mellon. It has been fun to visit new places, to play football, to try my hand at pool, to click photographs, to celebrate Independence Day, to explore advanced technology and above all to  get accustomed to with new customs and traditions. People and quite gentle and courteous in their way of talking and their actions here. I love the way they say "Hi! How are you doing today," when you come to meet them OR "Thank you. Have a great day," when you take their leave. It makes me wonder why don't people from my country (India) be gentle and courteous. It doesn't take much to greet the person with a "Hi" OR wish them luck.

The traditional CMU fence painted in Tricolor during Indian Independence Day celebrartions

The mesmerizing, color-changing "Randy Pausch Bridge" during night time

While there are so many amazing things that I have been discovering throughout, I'm eagerly waiting  for my classes to begin. I haven't seen the Entertainment Technology Center yet. But, it's believed to be one of the most exciting places to go to. I should plan a visit in a  day or two.
For now, I must definitely say that America has given me an indeed "Warm Welcome".

The Begining....

 Date: 10th August 2011
 Time : 2200 hrs
 Location: Chhatratpati Shivaji International Airport

    I stared pushing the luggage trolley towards the entry gate of the airport...while entering I ws bidding everybody goodbye for the last time. The cop checked me in after seeing my passport. The door was closed and the soon the contact was also cut.
   I was with my longtime friend Gaurang Joshi who was also on the same flight, DL-57 . He was heading to Binghamton University, New York for pursuing masters in Mechanical engineering. I had mixed feelings..happy..that I am on the way to fulfill my dream to pursue MS in the USA...sad...coz I will be away from loved ones and my friend Adarsh wasnt there to say goodbye..

Three Idiots

Do I need to say anything else? The pic says it all.
So this blog is all about our trio....
The three of us are on three separate paths in life. But we hope to meet each other soon... in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara style :)